creatures

nostalgia is a very dangerous thing. its powerful and hard to control and ruins the present moment. why are we always constantly forced to remember instead of look forward. everything makes us remember. songs and smells and quick mental flashes of people weaving in and out of the present moment. it makes us feel good to know that we once had a moment that we will never forget, or not necessarily a moment, but a person or a place or a sound or a feeling...but its like pressing on a bruise when it already hurts or giving yourself a paper cut on purpose....ill never be able to comprehend why humans do it, but they do, and they always will. i have a select few moments in my life that at that time so strongly impacted my present brainwavey thingies that i thought i would never in my life experience something like it again. everyone has them. and most ppl try to hold on so tightly to those seemingly insignificant moments that those thoughts knot up in the present and cause us to forget where we are and make u feel so morphy and in your own head and the claustrophobia is like when ur sitting on the window seat of an airplane and u have to take a gnarly piss and the frenchmen next to you is out like a light and the british woman on the outside is deeply engrossed in a self help book and you cant escape. we can never escape our own heads. its a dangerous thing, the mind. 

here's my key....philosophy. a freak like me, just needs infinity. 

freeee fallllinnnn

back from barcelona. wait. rewind. back from way more than just barcelona. i havnt written in ages, mate. ive always wanted a life of jet setting across europe/south america/dirty mexican villages....but never thought id make it. i hoped i wouldnt end up like some of those people who sit around there entire lives wanting to do something but never end up actually doing it. not cuz i didnt want it bad enough but just cuz life usually tries its hardest to go against you. not in a pessimistic way or anything....ha. but asi es vida and im sittin here in my disgusting spanish apartment and i love it more than life. the semesters almost up...but i still have 7 more months living here. i cant picture going home after not living in american life for 10 months.....its going to be all psycho and feel all awkward like when ur longsleeved tshirt pulls up to the elbow when u put on a sweatshirt. before i got here all i could picture was how hard it would be to leave, and now....not because i dont love spain, because i do.....but i think this year isnt gonna be the hard year in my life to leave. i mean i will be sad to leave this lifestyle....life of school two days a week. traveling around on loans i will be indebted to for the rest of my life...going out at the hours of the night when the majority of the world is sleeping and coming home when ppl start their work days...its an interesting life. and ill be sad to leave it. but sometimes i feel like my heart is still somewhere else. in the argentina, mexico, cuba genre. i just know thats where it is. que raro.

i cant even believe all the places ive been since september. hmm

singing and dancing and overflowing guinness with the irish in galway and dublin 

sittin on the dock of the bayyyy (watchin the tiiiide roll away) in nerja

the best night of my entire life at ilovetechno in belgium. 35,000 people all coming together to experience 

the best feeling in the world all night long. 

being in london hearing big ben gonging like i always pictured it would(gonging...?? ehh) and almost getting hit by 9 cars on abby road...so embarrassing. 

barcelona - i regresared once. but ill always regresar. thanks to that tuberculosis fountain we drank out of thats supposed to always bring u back to barcelona. boys noize. las ramblas. the port. and some delicious food. that city gets me. something about it. surprised i didnt get mugged like the majority of the people we met that weekend. insane. 

uumm i leave for paris for christmas and lisbon, portugal for new years eve. what? sometimes i dont feel like im in my own life. in january were off to scotland and after that....we'll just see where life goes wont we?