creature fear

everyones turning 21 this month. its kinda freaking me out. as much time as we have all spent cursing the world because we weren't a certain age, now we're finally to the point where there's not another age to look forward to. when we were 6 we couldn't wait to be double digits, when we were 10 all we wanted to be was 16 so we could drive, and once we turned 16 all we cared about was turning 18 so we could buy porn and smoke?? and vote. or somethin like that. and then when we were 18 we were like....whats the point, so we wanted to be out of the teens....and then it's all about turning 21 so you can go to bars and clubs and buy beer....but now that everyone is turning 21 i kinda wish i don't have another birthday. I'd be happy to stay 20 for the rest of my life....or 21, that works too i guess, but no later than that. pretty soon im gonna be drooling and taking out my teeth at night. im not ok with this. spending a year abroad only made me realize more how i never want to get any older. life is just too much fun to be hobbling around. 

you ever feel like you just literally lost moments out of your life, precious moments you want to get back. its that feeling like when you're in a taxi and you're trying to pay the driver really fast when theres 19 million cars behind you on a one way street, honking and screaming expletives in spanish at u....and then u drop a euro in between the cracks where the seat slides back and forth and u can see it but u cant reach it and the driver screams at u to get out. so u have to just LEAVE your euro there. the euro u can see but ur stupid fat arm cant fit into the crack to retrieve it. thats what i just did. except for it was less literal and more along the lines of a commonly known ordeal paying rent in which u literally (i guess it is literal) throw minutes of your life into the trash or to the 907 year old dueña with no teeth who hasnt shaved a day in her life and smells like soup. but like old soup. soup that has been left sitting on the stove since last week soup. like retirement home soup. but dont let the retirement home visual fool you. bitch. is. crazy. i feigned every illness possible to try to get her to stop talking...nothing worked. finally i went insane. and thats where im writing from. a mental ward. as im typing this im running around slamming myeslf into padded walls and wearing one of those starchy white uniforms that itch more than the devil. ALKJ)!)!)@(!1&! I WANT THOSE MOMENTS BACK