the dog days are over

One of life's strangest sensations is the sudden feeling that you are somehow on the verge of something. Surprisingly, it never happens at suspected times.. only at the most random, seemingly trivial moments in a day. Your positivity of it being there is more mentally tangible than the feeling of hunger or thirst, yet it is fleeting. It sometimes lasts only milliseconds, and you come out of it with a feeling similar to that of a really good dream where you wake up remembering, but effortlessly managing to maintain it. Battling the ever-present pull from your grasp, you helplessly watch it slip out of your mind, completely and totally aware of brilliant details being washed from your conscious.... into the dark labyrinth of your subconscious, at which point it either lies dormant and waits to emerge as a deja vu (weird, never thought of it like that before) or it vanishes often quicker than it came. That is the feeling. A brilliant glimpse of your life, teetering both cautiously but wildly courageous, on the brink of something potentially monumental. You're not daydreaming. You aren't fantasizing about far away places as you probably see nothing at all. It's akin to watching something slowly line up, like a skilled thief listening through a stethoscope to hear the clicks of a safe's lock...waiting.

I always thought about this as something comparable to the powerful feeling you get while in the middle of planning something. Freud said something about how we, as humans, MUST be continuously planning for the future, because without that, we are nothing. Whether it is our obsession with controlling what is ahead of us, or whether it is due to our severe and intense fits of boredom, we need to have something to look forward to. A day, a week, a year ahead of time - nothing makes us tick like the lingering thought of an adventure in the works.  Which is obvious, duh. But i am so unbelievably moved by that. When I start to watch my life melt into nothing and bob up and down like a buoy at sea, mucking around in the thick doldrums of reality, I'm at my lowest low. But with the spark of an idea, a plan, a trip, the prospect of adventure we feel the blood rushing through our veins again. ticktockticktock clicking and tingling through our fingers. your heart starts to feel like it is beating for something again, until it is over. until an idea crashes into the rocks and the pattern continues until the next plan is put into motion.

if we are supposed to live in the moment how does it make sense that we are so moved by our plans for the future. how does it equate to be stuck in a conundrum that puts us in a tug of war with time. pushing and pulling against the sands of the hourglass?