its been a hell of a couple weeks. couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel for a while. i guess u really have to hit a dead end before u realize u took the wrong road. duh. so i changed my major like a month ago from journalism to hospitality and tourism management for reasons i thought were good. i always thought i wanted to be an event planner - i guess i failed to realize that was before id discovered i had any more passions besides planning parties and being really, very organized. i always pictured myself with a sidekick (a phone, not a midget....well maybe a midget) frantically calling/texting/emailing people running around with frazzled hair and drumming my fingers on a table. (too much caffeine as usual) went to spain. came back. thought i still wanted a crazy busy life where i could make someone else feel important at whatever event they were having me plan - - turns out, i've never made more of a 180 degree turn from that. ive never really made a decision and gone....wow, that was the wrong choice. i mean i do it all the time when i order food, which is why i usually stick to what i know. same cheeseburger. made the same way. same sauce. ketchup on my fries. but besides making the wrong food decisions i have never really made a big life altering decision and gone holy shit.....that was the wrong choice. this is the first time ive ever done that. overlooking the fact that i screwed myself over a whole semester with wasted classes, i know it was for the best. i obviously would still be wondering what that life would be like if i hadn't of changed my major - and most likely made some mistake thats kinda like this one somewhere down the road where i regretted not figuring out if this is what i want to do. but it all boils down to what ppl in that major are like. theyre great people. personable. determined. they work great on a team. all qualities that i think (and hope) describe me most of the time, but theres a catch - every last bit of it comes down to networking, and customer service. two things that i hate. nothing worse than a skeezy businessman making too many connections to get what he wants, and end up where he wants to end up. sure ive never worked in the industry - so i could be completely and totally wrong and the skeezy people, but from the outside, thats all i see. i see tight suits and people to busy making other people happy to notice the rest of the world and notice that theyre probably not making themselves happy. ya they probably have money - and they probably think theyre happy...but that wouldnt make me happy. ive been getting inklings for weeks, telling me i made the wrong choice, and then the breakdowns started happening making me go "wow, the world is trying to tell me something". i have certain passions for a reason - and all they talk about in this major is how youre career-destined, straight out of college. sounds great to someone who wants to make the big bucks, support their families, have their cake - and eat it too.....but not to me. to me im destined to be robbed of my freedom - freedom to travel, freedom to wear what i want to wear, and freedom to live my life how i want. its all about the customer in that business. im sorry, my gift to the world is not that i am going to serve other ppl in that way. i want to serve people in different ways - join the peace corps, inspire ppl through writing and music and books and just being a good friend. thats what im here for - not to go put on a too-tight skirt, heels and a itchy blazer and go to work. not me. never will be me. everything is screaming WRONG CHOICE WROING CHOICE and now im like duh-world, what am i even doing here? so for now. my plan is this. finish this semester with a smile on my face, i already screwed myself over so why not make the best of it? finish my major in spanish and get a minor in journalism and graduate in the fall of 2010. work. make money. travel. write. make money. travel. write. ive got places to go and people to do.....uhhhhh. tgif. oh hey, I WORK THERE. bring on the mexicanos.
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